Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
