why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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