Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
