Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
