Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
