I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My vagina just clenched in fear
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
