Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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