My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
