This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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