I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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