yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
