I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I currently don't understand fingers.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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