hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
