I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
