So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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