you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
