She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
