I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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