What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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