What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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