So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
