I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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