she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
