Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
