Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
