Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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