It's Friday. Sex?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
