Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
