Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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