and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
