Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
