How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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