So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
