Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
