as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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