just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
