Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
