How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
