In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
