you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
