She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You don't make any sense
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