You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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