Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
