Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
