oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
