i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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