Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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