My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
