i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
