I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
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