My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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