Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm like, not good at living.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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