im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
