Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My bed smells like the plague
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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