the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
