every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
