And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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