oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
