I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
