guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Enjoy the penises
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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